Must Be a Different Universe

This one's about the time that I, Chris, girl who is ignored by any and all men, was asked out.
You know those moments where everything is just happening, you're going along with life like normal, nothing out of the ordinary?
I was having one of those. I was sitting at home after a long day of the tortures of school, sipping a glass of water and snapchatting my friends. I don't usually like apps like snapchat, where you have to capture your essence on a camera for all to see, but for some reason I was feeling oddly more attractive than I usually am. I was simply talking to two of my friends, one girl and one boy, and we were having nice, fun conversation, and then out of nowhere, it all ended.
Like all good, innocent things, it came to an end. I thought, hey, maybe we're getting to the realm of where we can just text and there won't be any weird feelings going on, but no he had sneak up behind me and butt fuck it all up.
The guy simply sends one saying 'hey you wanna go out its OK if you don't.'
Well way to put a girl on the spot. I know for a fact from experience that when they say "it's OK if you don't," it is almost never actually like that. That means, "If you say no I'm going to be crushed but this is my way of pretending I'm aloof." Trust me, I know, I've used that phrase before.
And of course, with what I previously said, the whole no feelings thing, I immediately cringed and kind of sat staring at my iPod screen, trying to think of a nice way to dump his ass.
He put me on the spot! How do you just have the nerve to put someone on the spot like that? And can I just mention that right now, I'm trying to get my best friend to set me up with some guys so I can finally have a boyfriend, and now here I am, seconds away from getting that, but the only thing I can think is, "No!!!"
So I say, oh so slyly, sorry but no and this is what I get back. "OK," with a drawn face holding a gun to its head. Really? Really??
I already felt like a big enough dick, there was no need to make it worse. Honestly.
As much as I would have liked to say yes and be that nice girl who had a boyfriend, he is so not my type, and honestly, being the nice girl is kind of boring. And OK, let me a shallow bitch, but he is so not hot enough.
I mean, come on, I was asked out by a really hot nineteen year old from New Jersey, I deserve better than this, right? Ha, that was an inside joke, I'm sorry.
Welp, signing off.